As surprising as it may sound, there are people out there who believe feminism has done more harm than good. It has only harmed men while empowering women, so I don’t really see what the problem is. Men have ruled for centuries and have nothing but civilization, advancements in technology, and improved healthcare to show for it.

So what if you sent a rocket into outer space, what have you done for me lately?

Its our job as Feminists to shine light into this male infested world and drive out the misogynistic rats. Its about time Women took over and set things straight. But like most movements, its chances of success increase only if we increase our numbers, so I’ve compiled a list of reasons to persuade people into joining our holy crusade.

#1 Women are Human Beings

In case you didn’t know Mr. Sexist, Women are human beings just like you, but even better. That’s right, I spelt Women with a capital ‘W’ because you know what, Women deserve better. Women are smarter, more helpful and badass than any of you men can ever hope of becoming. That’s right, I positioned the word men to show you where you really stand.

Right Beneath Us.

Spoken like a true feminist. I’m proud of you darling.

Ever heard of Mother Teresa?

She was a Women who cared deeply for the poor and performed numerous good deeds. While she did baptize dying Hindu and Muslim patients, basically preying on the vulnerable in an attempt to harvest souls for Jesus, she cared for the poor by glorifying their suffering.

She cared okay, so stop judging her.

Stop exposing me.

Ever heard of Charles Manson?

He was a Man responsible for countless crimes and slept with numerous women. He was a criminal that got laid left, right and diagonally, and had Women visit him in droves at the jail he was locked up in, until his death at age 83.

Wait, my hamster is still trying to process that last bit.

Still analyzing that.

Premise #1 Women say they want a nice guy

Premise #2 Charles Manson slept with multiple girls

Inference: Charles Manson was a very nice guy.

Reeeally? Maybe that’s why they sent me to prison. I was too nice for the outside world.

Premise #3 Charles Manson went to jail for 7 counts of first-degree murder

Conclusion: Charles Manson was a very nice guy who committed crimes?

Can you be a nice guy if you commit crimes? Do women want criminals or nice guys who commit crimes? Or are nice guys who commit crimes not really nice guys, but criminals in disguise?

My hamster has left the chat…and this world.

#2 Women Suffer More

Men love to talk about how painful it is to get kicked in the nuts, but have you ever tried giving birth? Didn’t think so. The pain a woman has to endure as she gives birth to new life is indescribable. The difficulties that come with taking care of the toddler is immense. Going outside and not receiving lewd looks from passing men is near impossible. If there were a word that could describe what women have to go through on a regular basis, it would be called suffering. Oh wait, there is such a word isn’t there…

Men on the other hand, have it easy.

  • They have to be the Breadwinner.
  • Risk getting replaced at work by a female.
  • Has to deal with the possibility that his wife could cheat on him and get away with it by telling everyone that he didn’t care enough for her.
  • Have the courts work against his favour and lose most of what he has made in his lifetime if his wife decides to fill for divorce.
  • Lose his kids custody in a divorce 90% of the time.
  • Has to cope with loneliness and never gets to watch his kids grow.
  • Automatically labelled as the culprit if a women is involved.
  • Can get accused of sexual misconduct, end up in jail and branded as a sexual predator for the rest of his life even if the evidence is to the contrary.
  • Never find a job if he’s accused of sexual misconduct.
  • Has four times the suicide rates of women.
  • Is more prone to depression.
  • Gets killed in workplace accidents at a higher percentage.
  • Have his sacrifices spat on and rubbed into the ground.

Men have it eaaasy.

Even suicide is easy for us, we are so darn privileged aren’t we!

#3 Women Get Paid Less

Its quite obvious that its Women who contribute the most to society, and what does she get in return? 79 cents for every dollar a man makes. It’s a travesty of justice I tell you! To treat the only working member whose contributions actually matter with such indignation by rewarding her lazy counterpart with 21 cents more! This is why we need feminism!

Its not because women are more agreeable, occupy professions that don’t pay as much and work shorter hours while shunning those that can potentially injure or kill them.

Neither is it because they tend to take leaves or quit their job once they become mothers to care for their new-born and look after their family. None of that can account for the gender pay gap. Its sexism, pure sexism.

Wage gaaaap!

#4 Women Are Delicate Creatures

Women are strong and independent, until the going gets a little tough.

That’s when they expose their soft side and show us how vulnerable they really are and that the entire strong and independent persona was a stand they adopted to tackle their crippling self-esteem.

They will complain about how women’s sports is not as famous as men’s sports and attribute its lack of popularity and support to the patriarchy while completely ignoring the fact that women’s sports lack the kind of enthusiasm, vigor and adrenaline you see male athletes play them with.

Oh no, I accidently switched sides. Damn you Masculinity! You’ve turned me against the very organisation I was trying to represent!

We have found the culprit. Your testosterone has testosterone.

#5 Women Are Better Caretakers

Women are more empathetic, which is why they’re better at understanding each other and which is why they hate each other. Kids adore their mothers because its only a mother who can truly understand her kids. Men are clueless when it comes to raising kids. They don’t know if the baby is upset because he’s hungry, tired, wants to get carried or dirtied his diaper. So it would make sense to have the women stay at home and look after the kids while men slave away at work and earn more as a result, since women have been taken out of the workforce.

Women have a sixth sense for building relationships and caring for the young while men are driven to achieve competence in their line of work. If they work on their strengths, instead of battling it out in the workplace, its guaranteed that both sides will achieve considerable strides in their areas of interest, fostering happiness and fulfilment for the family as a whole.

Hmm. I think I’ve seen this division of labor somewhere before.

I don’t know why, but it feels like I walked right into a trap…

#6 Women Are Constantly Harassed

This happens a lot. Men just don’t seem to understand that the slightest of gestures can trigger an avalanche of feelings in Women. Women are more sensitive to detail, so what might seem like an innocent head scratch to you, morphs into a violent sexual assault once it reaches their eyes.

Here’s a story of actual harassment which involves a brave young girl, despite the odds placed up against her, succeeded in overcoming them and now leads a comfortable life.

Yousuf Malala was shot in the head and forced to flee Pakistan, but she didn’t falter and continued her education in the UK while preaching to the choirs about how she bested the Taliban. She even received a Nobel Peace Prize for her valiant efforts in fighting against the Taliban by running away for her life. She lives in the UK now, helping girls from various walks of life to get their education, while completely ignoring the plight of women in her own country.

She isn’t a hypocrite*! She’s doing what she can, alright!

“Educating the terrorists will put an end to terrorism” she says in a speech after condemning the drone attack against Taliban controlled areas in Pakistan. Why didn’t we think of that?!

#7 Men are Sexist Pigs!

Its no surprise that men are obsessed about sex. You see it everywhere, from the glorification of slim hourglass figures to the multi-billion-dollar porn industries that keep itself sustained by tapping into men’s obsession with sex.

All they see on a woman is her physical assets.

They can’t seem to pull their penises aside and for once look at what hides beneath her appearance; her personality.

So what if a women is fat?

What’s on the inside is what makes her attractive, and what do you mean by “what’s on the inside reflects on the outside”?

Are you trying to say that if a woman is morbidly obese, its because she’s a slob with zero self-control and zero self-esteem?

Are you trying to say that if a woman dyes her hair bright neon blue, gets tattoos and piercings, its because she has a pathological need for attention?

Are you trying to say that if a woman wears clothes hanging off a few countable numbers of thread, its because she wants men to notice her?

Why those are some incredibly sexist observations you’ve made there! Shame on you!


#8 The Patriarchy is a Human Rights Violation

If you believe subduing women to a lower class and forcing them to take care of the housework and raise kids while her husband goes to work is an equal division of labour, then you clearly have a few screws loose.

Why can’t women occupy jobs and earn their equal pay?

Why is it the women’s responsibility to look after the house and kids?

Can’t men do it?

Apparently, they can’t because men are power hungry psychopaths who want to have their cake and eat it while smearing some of it all over their wife’s face.

Men have to risk their lives occupying life threatening positions in petroleum, mining, aircrafts and chemical plants while Women get to stay at home in a safe environment and watch their kids grow into fine adults. Women clearly deserve better than this, its about time they took up those risky jobs and put their lives on the line.

We need more women in the bricklaying department!

#9 You Are Responsible for the Spread of Toxic Masculinity

Toxic Masculinity is a virus that infects half our population.

It turns its host into a vicious animal who is hellbent on enslaving women with the responsibilities of household work and raising kids while they go to work on their ‘ambitions’.

They display an array of problematic symptoms that include an ability to pass shit tests, keep themselves fit and healthy, become a rock for their women to wash over on, attract the attention of other women, play dread games, develop a strict code of ethics, keep their standards high, just to name a few.

It becomes difficult for Women to manipulate a man who is comfortable with being infected by the virus of toxic masculinity.

He doesn’t see it as a threat, and views it as a compass he can rely on to provide him with the directions that will lead him to his destination. They develop a strong magnetism, and influence other males to tap into the exact same virus that lays dormant over layers and layers of politically correct medicine he has been fed to keep him docile.

If we ignore this, then it won’t be long before the patriarchy stops being a fantasy that lies in the feminist’s head, and makes its actual appearance in the real world.

Join the soy side.

#10 Women Make Better Leaders

Marie Curie was the first person to receive two Nobel Prize awards because she was smart.

Hillary Clinton become the US secretary of state because she was a smart.

Women are smart and what we need most in this era of political correctness is smart leaders like Theresa May and Angela Merkel who have committed enough crimes to make Charles Manson look like a rookie.

Its women who were inquisitive enough to see gender for what it is; a tool used to segregate people. Its women who were brave enough to fight against body shaming by holding slut walks where they parade about wearing BDSM style clothing. Its Women who were empathetic enough to connect with gays and transsexuals and include their struggles under the umbrella of feminism, turning it into a movement that starkly resembles anything it actually set out to achieve.

Feminism stands for all, and in effect, solves none of them.

We need leaders who aren’t afraid to throw commonly held beliefs and common sense out of the window. Its by tossing out the old that we can usher in the new.

So lets get rid of religion, the patriarchy, gender norms, nationalism and drop everything acceptable into the melting pot of multiculturalism.

Lets build a dynasty ruled by women, wielding a sword forged out of multiculturism.

*For Those of You Puffing Out Smoke,

Take a deep breath. . . and let it all out.

Yousuf Malala was shot to send a message to the girls that if they wanted a western education, they can have it after they’ve been pumped full of bullets.

She fled, like anyone else in her situation would, and the United Kingdom took her in, hailing her as a hero.

I don’t know about you, but getting chased out of your own country and taking up asylum in another isn’t heroic, but a desperate attempt at staying alive which I myself would have done, were I in such a situation and given a chance to escape from it.

Sure, its not like she had any other options, but to label it as a heroic deed, and that she defeated the Taliban by writing few books and dishing out a couple of speeches is simply ridiculous.

If anything, the Taliban were successful in sending their message. For the girls to continue their education, they had to possibly endure either death, or flee the country; both equally unsavory options.

If reading that triggered you, then take another deep breath…and hold it.

You can let go when I tell you to.

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