Parents and teachers encourage kids to read the daily news as it delivers a wide host of benefits such as raising your vocabulary, making you smarter, raising confidence levels, keeping you informed, and also curing cancer.

It says so in the newspaper, so it has to be legit.

There are several interesting facts regarding reading newspapers circulated online by news outlets themselves such as:

Reading the news for 15 minutes every day has proven to increase IQ.

Unbiased self-marketing for the greater good – nothing fishy about that.

Reading anything will increase your IQ, and reading the newspaper is the worst way to achieve that. It’s like you’re a skinny dude trying to put on a weight by eating junk food. You will put on weight, but it won’t be in the form of ripped brawny muscles that you were hoping to show off to your friends and potential girlfriends.

I’ve Written About This Before

I never liked reading newspapers and never watched the daily news channels because they were as interesting as watching clocks tick. I’d rather watch wrestlers clock each other after the are done ticking each other off – as mentioned in the script they are expected to follow.

But news was still good, as it kept us informed of the “daily happenings” that happened to take place daily, so I started coming up with silly excuses to avoid the news and get back to playing on my Nintendo.

I was about to face off against the Elite Four – this was some serious stuff.

Some of the excuses I resorted to were:

“They are on 24/7 and repeat the same thing over and over again!”

“They don’t have as many attractive women on the channel! It’s governed by the patriarchy!”

“That Arnab guy won’t stop screaming at me!”

Arguably, the most reliable weapon I had in my arsenal of excuses. Even my parents conceded defeat.

It was only after a little bit of digging around the internet that I found good reasons to not read the newspaper. You can imagine my joy.

In fact they were so good, that I can write ten more articles on it, but decided against it. Sticking to the same topic bores me. I have other people to offend as well.

Wouldn’t want them to feel left out.

Summary of Newspapers

Newspapers are designed to get the reader hooked, much like how social media is designed to keep you from going offline. It lures you in with their hate infused headlines.

Its junk reading, and I’ve made my point in this satire infused piece.

Which is why today, I’ve decided to go after the mother of all news;

News Media.

Or Mass Media.

Or whatever the hell it is they call themselves these days.

Media Lies, More Than You Think It Does

It was very difficult for me to accept that the media would deliberately engage in widespread misinformation campaigns to suit their needs. I didn’t think an organization with the level of influence and trust it had, would betray us like this.

This has been fairly evident in the US presidential election which really opened my eyes to what was actually taking place.

The President That We All Love To Hate

I never liked Donald Trump because of the news coverage both during and after his election. The media made it clear that there was no way in hell Donald Trump was going to become president – but guess who became the 45th president of the United States.

It starts with a D and ends with a grab em by the P.

He grabbed the P of presidency like he grabbed the P of…

This struck me as odd, because even though I couldn’t care less about American politics and who got to become the next big daddy that was going to bomb another country into oblivion, this just stood out like a sore thumb.

It’s only after observing them, the debates they choose to engage in, and the people they aligned themselves with, that I realized just how fake these people were. Now it all made sense, and I understood how Donald Trump became America’s 45th president.

Have you actually watched his interviews? Take an honest look at this man. I don’t know him or his policies which is why I don’t support him, but I’m not going to start hating on a man I know nothing about because some media outlet accused him of committing crimes and glorified his supposed impeachment.

Don’t forget, it’s the people who voted him into power, despite the media’s attempt at thwarting his presidency. The media became so desperate that they resorted to publishing outright lies about him.

The more they slandered him, the more support he gained. They thought people were dumb, and would believe everything they were told.

Jokes on them.

More On The Orange President

A lot of people out there say Donald Trump is dumb and shouldn’t be in office. I don’t know about you but, when was the last time you saw a dumb multi-billionaire?

Sure, he talks as if he partnered up with God for seven days to build the world from scratch, with his buddy Jesus cheering him on from the sides, but would you rather have a leader who is pessimistic and shuts himself in, or someone that assures everyone that things are going to be alright since the man in charge has the solution, even if he doesn’t?

Phenomenal work guys, afterall, I started this thing and no one knows this better than I do.

When you are a leader, you are not only expected to lead but also maintain order.

R)Say Mr.President, do we have a cure for the fast spreading COVID19 virus?
R)Aren’t the researchers struggling to find a cure?
P)Ya kinda, but we don’t have anything as of yet, and if we don’t find something fast, then this virus is going to nope us out of existence.
R)Is there any hope for the people of America?
R)Could I ask you another question?

Generally, it’s not okay for such a powerful political leader to lie, but in instances like these, it becomes a duty to lie. In turbulent times like these, social unrest is the last thing a government wants to deal with.

R)Say Mr.President, do we have a cure for the fast spreading COVID19 virus?
P)We don’t have anything as of now, but we are praying and hoping for the best.
R)Aren’t the researchers struggling to find a cure?
P)Indeed, they are working tirelessly to find a cure for the Chinese Virus. I am very optimistic about this
R)Is there any hope for the people of America?
P)Things may not look good now, but it will all subside and we will move forward. We are all working real hard to solve this crisis, and to ensure things go back to normal as soon as possible.
R)May I ask you another question?
P)Of course, it’s your duty as a reporter to do so.
R)Could you please stop calling it the Chinese Virus? Don’t you think it’s a little offensive?

“But Lies Are Bad!”

Do you honestly think all world leaders are angels who only speak the truth? You think Barack Hussain Obama was funding Iran’s nuclear plan out of duty to his people?

It was out of duty to the “Hussein” in his name.

They know very well that there are things the government engages in that the public is better off not knowing.

I’m not saying its right, and I bet most of us would find what they did objectionable. I bet most of us would agree that Obama’s decision to fund Iran’s nuclear plan – a country that has on several occasions publicly announced their plan of decimating Americans once the tides turn to their favor, all the while chanting “death to America”, as an act of treason. But since most of us have been brainwashed into hating America, we will overlook that fact and continue hating Trump because he spoke about grabbing women by the pepe.

I don’t know much about their president, other than how CNN and MSNBC have portrayed him to be, but I will say this – he is far better than his contender. Hillary is a shady character with serious criminal allegations against her, yet our darling media keeps portraying her as the second coming of Mother Theresa.

Not to mention, her husband who is famous for sleeping arou- ahem excuse me, I meant raping little girls.

All the more reason to dump the news and pick up the books our ancestors poured their hard earned wisdom into.

So The Media Lies Only When It’s Necessary

That’s an interesting thought, let’s look into it.

When does it become necessary for an organization that is supposed to provide its users with accurate information, lie to those very people?

We watch the news to know what happens around the world. We watch to get informed, and if the organization profiting from our trust is lying to us, how is that just?

This might seem a little confusing, so let’s use examples.

Meet Tess Holliday.

Say Hi to the new norm.

She is an American plus-size model who aims to reduce the stigma surrounding fat people by bloating herself up into a house, because we all know how easy it is to change people’s feelings about it, as opposed to changing things that reside within our domain of control, like losing some of those kilos. Fat people have allegedly, been discriminated against much like how the blacks. Read this cringe inducing post if you think I’m trying to crack a racist joke. I’m not.

And get your head examined if you think fat people have experienced oppression comparable to the discrimination faced by blacks back in the early 18th century.

Back to our model we know every man on this planet is dying to make love to, our big girl Tess stands at five feet, five inches tall and weighs a whooping 131kg. If that doesn’t give you a hard on, then I don’t know what will.

Make poor choices and reap the benefits.

That picture above isn’t photoshopped to look like she in on the cover of Cosmopolitan, because she is on the cover of Cosmopolitan.

Why is the Cosmopolitan trying to make morbid obesity look sexy? Do most men fantasize harpooning tattooed landwhales? If so, I’m ready to leave this planet.

I bet there are men who are attracted to women with enough blubber to endure three ice ages in a row, but that isn’t considered the norm. It’s called a fetish.

What sort of ice age is she storing all that fat up for? Is it for after the sun burns out?

There are people out there who have a fetish for scat. Shouldn’t we provide them with an outlet to show us neanderthals how sexy poo can be? Why not? How dare you say it’s disgusting!

The very same media that promotes this fat acceptance nonsense, didn’t critique the feminists after they came up with the absurd notion of thin privilege to combat the weight discrimination that landwhales have to face on a daily basis.

So, why did they do it?

The Media is a Business. Shocker, I Know

All businesses strive to make as much profits as they can, and to grow and expand using that profit to make more profits; much like a self-fulfilling prophesy. And businesses as massive as the Media gain more profit once they sell their souls to big brother.

In almost all countries, the media has aligned itself with the government, and if you read books written by great men such as How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World by Harry Brown, they make it clear that the government is not your friend, and neither are its partners.

The media has the trust of its people, and the government wants that trust to work into its favour. The government wants to expand, just as much as any other business does, but it has to convince people that it is in their best interests to feed this titan.

Only thing they missed out to mention is the government has its own best interests at stake, and you aren’t invited to the club. Your job is to vote for the right people who will feed this monster into a gluttonous stupor that would make any landwhale seethe with jealous.

The government is feeding and feeding and feeding…until the economy collapses under the weight of the heavy restrictions it imposes on its people to feed itself even more.

Let’s look at a case study to drive that point home.

Back To Donald Trump

The news outlets ran a story regarding a couple who took Donald Trump’s advice to take hydroxychloroquine, from which her husband unfortunately passed away. She took it upon herself to inform everyone about how she was led astray by the President, and that her tale would serve as a warning to others.

The video can be found here, if it hasn’t already been taken down.

But on further investigation, it was discovered that the woman was a die-hard democrat, who hated her husband and physically abused him in several instances. Here’s a video that cover the entire story. Essentially happened was, a woman wanted her husband dead, hated her president, and being the smart woman she is, devised a plan to kill two birds with a single hydroxychloroquine laced stone which can also be used to clean fishtanks.

Which is a bloody lie; look how close the two were!

I wonder if anything will come out of this investigation, but I doubt it.

Here’s The Thing

What baffles me is, if Donald Trump is really the devil the news outlets make him to be, then why do they need make up things to make him look bad?

It’s because the elections are around the corner, and since it’s bloody obvious that the media is left leaning and hates the president, they are scrounging about for reasons to demolish his image, and prevent him from getting re-elected.

Man, I’m starting to sound like a Trump supporter now.


You See The Game Being Played Here?

Today the media will support you, and tomorrow they will stab you in the back. They don’t switch sides for the sake of honest journalism; it’s a game for money and power. They very fact that they take sides is evidence of their betrayal.

There’s a reason Trump keeps saying fake news, even though it’s starting to make him look like the boy who cried wolf. Cry something out too many times, and people stop paying attention to you, but Donald Trump is so good at it, that he is always drawing attention.

Maybe the man is honestly trying to save his economy, maybe he is not, but the fact remains that the media is NOT your friend.

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