This is a topic I wanted to write for a very long time, but didn’t know when the right time for it was.
Turns out, you are never ready to dive into topics that seem insurmountable, until you make the leap, which is why I decided to give it a shot, and wrote an article on Fathers, and what is expected of them.
I have no right to educate you on this topic.
I am not a father, but a victim of bad parenting. I wish I had a father who I could look up to and confide in, but the man I was supposed to love and respect gave me enough reasons to walk away from him.
walked ran sprinted away, for reasons I am not going into.
I may not know how a good father is supposed to look like, but since I’ve been deprived of one, I know exactly what boys and young men alike crave most from the men in their lives.
What I share here are the desires of a young man in his early twenties who wished his father could have provided him with.
You can skip the next section if you want to get into the meat and potatoes of the article.
I wasn’t fortunate enough to be raised by a man, but I was fortunate enough to have a mother who wasn’t selfish and narcissistic like some single mothers out there are, who deprive their own flesh and blood of their father for personal gain.
My mother worked hard to support me, paid my college fees, and saved up for a house that we could live in. My father on the other hand worked hard to pin all his shortcomings as well as all the issues we faced as a family, onto my mother.
According to my Father, it was her fault for not resolving problems a man was supposed to take care of.
My father had no rules, was at home and drunk most of the time, so I got used to living like a sloth, putting zero effort into academics. My social life was almost non-existent. I didn’t know how to behave in a social setting, nor did I have the discipline or the interest to bring home good grades. I just didn’t see the point.
While my father was busy getting drunk, he didn’t care what I did. I used the computer as an escape, and I’d sit on it for hours on end, playing video games and watching anime, until my mother came back home from work and starts scolding me, telling me that if I didn’t straighten up, then I would end up like my father.
After tenth grade, I moved into my uncle’s home back in India to continue my schooling and college, but things didn’t go well there either.
Living in another man’s house, means abiding by his rules. I didn’t like it when he tried to impose his authority onto me, because my father never did that. I hated having to live in another man’s house, even though he was my mother’s younger brother. We eventually got into a fight, and I moved into my college hostel.
I am tempted to go on, but that would defeat the purpose of this article.
You aren’t reading this to hear me bitch and moan about life being unfair to me.
You wish to know how a man is supposed to behave and what areas of his being he has to cultivate, for him to transition into a father deserving of love and respect.
And that’s exactly what you are going to read from here on out.
The Impact Bad Fathers Have
Bad fathers come is many shapes and forms. Some are aggressive and have no self-control, while others are cowardly and lack self-esteem. Some outright abuse their children physically, sexually and spiritually, and all of them commit the biggest and most life threatening abuse by not guiding them along the right path.
All of them share a key attribute, and that is they abuse their kids, either physically or mentally because they have no self-control. They can’t control their anger, and want to control you instead.
Fathers like that are only “father” in name, since they don’t teach their kids the value of self-restraint, social amiability, how to handle tough situations, and how to attract the right people into their lives. They often have deep emotional and psychological problems themselves and carry with them a set of vices that their children will unfortunately inherit.
I will cite examples from my life to drive certain points home, to show you that what may seem as innocuous or harmless statements, actions or decisions, can manifest into monstrous problems that will rip you limb from limb if you take them lightly.
Teaching Self-Restraint and Accountability
I didn’t always hate my father.
I cared for him once, and that was when I was still a child, too young to see him for what he was.
My father loved, and coddled me as a child. My mother and uncle used to tell me stories of how my father adored me, and bought many toys for me. I was an only child after all, and my parents wasn’t planing on having another one. (My mother got married at 29, and had me at 35, so I’m assuming she couldn’t have another even if she wanted to.)
This pampering went on even after I was old enough to attend school. I always got what I wanted, and threw a massive hissy fit when things didn’t go my way. My mother never put up with any of that, which is why I wasn’t as spoilt as I could have been.
It’s a man’s job to protect his kids from his mother’s oestrogenic impulses, but in my case, it was my mother who was forced to protect me from my father, because my father exuded enough oestrogen to switch roles.
That is what addiction does to you. It turns you into a lil’ bitch.
I wasn’t able to make any friends, and I often got bullied because of my passive aggressive nature. Throwing tantrums with people who don’t know or give a damn about you isn’t going to help you forge long lasting bonds of friendship. It functions like a repellent, and I repelled all good prospects.
I was mostly on my own and I didn’t know why they kept belittling and bullying me.
It felt as though I had no control over my anger and frustration, and I believed this was what most people experienced themselves – I thought it was natural to be filled with rage and hatred.
“Why can’t they understand? Don’t they also feel the same as I do every single day?”
I wish I knew then, what I know now.
My father wasn’t afraid to spoil his child because he was afraid to say no.
As a parent, you are supposed to resist the temptation.
If you coddle your kid too much, it will spoil him, and that is something you are better off not dealing with. Parents are supposed to be strict in order to teach their kids self-restraint, or they will suffer in the years to come, like I am now.
You are supposed to say no, more often than needed, and teach your kid that if he wants something, he has to earn it. Let him get angry, burst into tears, and start throwing fits; you have to enforce the rules, otherwise the world will straighten them up, and you don’t want that to happen. Anytime the world teaches you something, it does so at a steep price – sometimes, the cost being your own life.
After he calms down, you are not going to tell him what he has to do for you to get him what he wants. Let him come to you and ask once more, and then you will tell him what is expected of him. Don’t ignore him, but ignore the topic until he brings it up.
Don’t go soft on him either, by making him promise that he will take good care of whatever it is that he wanted, as the only condition to adhere to; none of that nonsense. Tell him he will earn credits for taking care of chores back home, which he can turn in for those goodies whether they be toys, chocolates or watching an extra hour of television.
That is how things work in the real world, you put in the work first, then reap the rewards.
That will teach him accountability, and it will also teach him to value whatever he worked hard to get, because it is an achievement.
He will naturally take care of his achievements(Toys, privileges conferred) because he had slogged to earn them and is well aware of the penalties involved.
Also, he will learn that he gets nothing for throwing tantrums, and that it hurts his chances at getting what he wants, which leads the child down the strenuous yet incredibly fulfilling discovery of self-control. The less he gives into emotions, the less it agitates his parents, and the more receptive his parents become to his wants and desires.
Realistically, putting all of what I have mentioned above into action is quite the surmountable task. It is incredibly unpleasant to deal with a wailing toddler, let alone a 3-4 foot child that can do more damage to both your mentality as well as your house.
It is very taxing both mentally and physically, but that’s what you have to be willing to do to raise a boy into a man, and a girl into a lady.
Believe it or not, Marriage is a responsibility that gets heavier as you start having kids.
My school bus used to arrive around 6:30am, so I had to wake up and get ready around 6:00am. I was always sleep deprived thanks to my video game addition, which also included porn as I grew older. I’d sleep in during weekends, sometimes till afternoon, again, thanks to my addictions.
I was always exhausted and ran on empty, which is why I couldn’t perform well in class. I struggled to concentrate, and couldn’t build a solid foundation to keep accumulating knowledge, which is why I always hated studying. I didn’t see any joy in learning, and only saw it as a torturous mind numbing chore I had to perform to avoid getting in trouble.
Everything seems like a chore when you are running on empty.
I was weak and half asleep most of the time, and could only get myself to pass the exams by torturing myself to stay awake. That didn’t work out well, as my grades plunged into C level territory, which could only get me admitted into a private college.
Weak, undisciplined and constantly agitated, thanks to a lack of drive, which was due to a lack of ambition, which in turn, was due to a lack of proper habits that would sustain me.
Life was great!
I never used to sleep on time, until now, and I can see the difference.
I am not at the point where I always wake up on time, but I always wake up early. I don’t feel as groggy as I once used to, and don’t have as much of a problem getting out of bed. I don’t feel sleepy in the afternoons like before, and slowly started feeling drowsy around 10pm.
Once it becomes consistent, I will slowly start utilizing that time for productive activities like reading books, studying the tools I have to use at my office, watching tutorials on various other tools that will aid me in the future, and maybe toss in a light warm up to set the rudder for the day.
I don’t experience as many mood swings as I once used to, and it’s all thanks to the practice of sleeping on time.
If you teach your kids to go to bed and wake up on time, that will serve them for the years to come. They will get things done and make sweet sweet progress, while the other kids are sleeping those precious hours away.
Also, waking up on time also means you get extra hours to work on your fitness. Many avoid working out, saying they don’t have time for it, or that it is a waste of time. That simply is not the case.
I’ll say it again, if you teach yourself to wake up early, you can avail those extra hours that others are sleeping off on, and invest them into the right areas.
That will not only get you ahead, but will also keep you ahead.
Dynamics That Govern Interactions Between Men and Women
I suffered from severe depression because I didn’t know how to stand up for myself, got bullied often, had no achievements and didn’t know how to speak with women, let alone become romantically intimate with one, although becoming romantically invested in one was fairly easy.
My mother hated my father, and my father hated her back, so I wasn’t too fond of relationships, but when I saw my friends get into relationships and saw how fulfilled they were(until they broke up, which is an article for another day), it felt like I was being left out of something, and I was.
I couldn’t bring myself to love a woman, which is why I never got involved in any relationship. I didn’t even try, because of the sort of hate I had festering inside me.
I didn’t understand women, and worst of all, I didn’t understand men. I didn’t know what made men worthy of love, and what made women worthy of theirs. I didn’t know what a man needed to attract women into his life, and quite frankly, that part still puzzles me.
Do women want guys who are decent and respectful, or do they want assholes? You only see assholes getting laid left and right.
Do women like getting objectified, or not? If they hate getting objectified, then why do they support women who sell themselves into pornography? Why is this a “My body, my choice” issue, when doing so clearly undermines the argument that women hate being objectified?
Why are feminists the first to come out in defense for Pornstars like Mia Khalifa and Sunny Leone? They say they are done with the industry which coincidently, is responsible for the fame and fortune they are currently enjoying, but things don’t add up.
Mia still has her porno up for the world to feed off on, and also has a website where she STILL sells them on a membership basis.
Sunny Leone has more influence than most Bollywood actresses, and she could film movies depicting the horrors and damage caused by porn industries on the minds of young men and women and how they prey on them, but she has settled for the item number status.
Both women are hypocrites, and the feminists who support them are even bigger hypocrites.
And this isn’t just a small minority of women who decide to start up an OnlyFans or PornHub account. It’s a massive concentration of women who have decided to do so, especially when people were losing their jobs during the COVID pandemic.
Women aren’t a mystery – what is mysterious is how men keep falling for their lies and deceit.
As a man, your love is worth nothing.
It’s what you deliver that matters.
Women and children only have to exist to be valued, whereas a man has to earn his way in life, and work to maintain it, for such is the life of a man.
Men have to be more cautious in their dealings with women, seeing how laws are being implemented one after the other to undermine men and women.
One such example of that is feminism.
Feminism is a movement that empowers corporations, by disempowering women. They teach women to become masculine, and to view femininity as a disease that weakens them.
Feminism first targets women and convinces them that being female is sexist, and that you ought to adopt male characteristics because only then they will be fulfilled. Why else would they view housewives with contempt? They feel “sorry” for them, because housewives are low IQ women undermining their battle against the male chauvinist boogie man.
I repeat, feminism wants you women to believe that you can only be free if you become a man. That is their message, and that is why you ought to avoid any person dumb enough to call her/him/she/he/ze/xe-self a feminist.
Also, women are encouraged to become promiscuous, and to prioritise careers over family because to say otherwise would be sexist. It’s her life, and she has to be strong and independent away from solid facts concerning her window of fertility and biology.
Feminism teaches men that they are born to prey on women, and that they ought to be shamed out of existence.
The phrase, “toxic masculinity” is all encompassing. There is nothing in masculinity that isn’t toxic, unless it is wielded by women. That is the game that is being played.
This is feminism in a nutshell, women can only be empowered, if they become a man.
This is why I have an entire series dedicated to Feminism Makes Me Cringe, because feminism makes me cringe, and it will make you cringe as well once you see them for what they truly are.
I haven’t done justice to this topic. I will be back with part two.
I’ve decided to turn this in to a series as well, seeing how important it is, and how people are taking the idea of marriage and parenting less seriously these days.
I’ll divide them into digestible segments, like how I’ve done so for my series on feminism.
Stay tuned for more.